My life turned so sweet from the say im with Andy.. And i never thought that we will get married. And as planned, our ROM date is confirmed on 14Feb 2012.
I have alot of things to tell him..I dont mind telling him here cos i know for sure he will read this.
Dear, thanks for all your loves and cares towards me.. Especially when im feeling really down. I loved you more than anybody. My love for you has increased tremendously within these few months and has never ever decrease.. I stayed with you in these 3 weeks and even made me feel that you can take care of me forever. I know you are the man for me in my whole life. Everyday make sure i dont go hungry, make sure i sleep well, make sure im covered with blanket before you slp and also ask me what i wanna wear to work tomorrow and will prepare the clothes for me. you have never failed to let go of my hands when we are crossing the road or even in bus.. you have always made me feel warmth and your love. No one has ever treated me so sweet apart from my family. You took care of me so well. I know you are cold middle of the night cos i can feel your legs are cold but YOU NEVER ADMIT!! You always says "I go hungry nvm but you cannot". haha.. this has became your slogan for me..
I really want you to be my one and only for the rest of my life. But its up to fate. You just need to promise me something. Whatever it is, don't cry for me. You are a tough guy.. and i can say you are a perfect guy. You said i am the first gal you will cry for but i also want to be the last gal that you will be crying for. Can you promise? Nothing in this world will be exactly how you had worked out.. there are things that you will be unexpected of. Example: you never expect that we will be together right? Now we are.
I have caused you alot of troubles. You should know what i meant. From the day i knew you till now, you have never ever been this down before thats y i keep asking you if im bringing bad luck to you. You have sacrificed alot of things for me. even your 2nd financial income. 我害到你很厉害...
I know you always been feeling stress over money issue, you have always said that this sure can be solved. I know.. But how soon can that be? I really doesnt want to see you so stress everytime.. When can heaven give me back my happy go lucky hubby? I really dont know. Soon? I hope...
Now comes my family.. I suddenly felt that my whole family is scattered. I merely trying to help "someone" but end up landed me in fucking big trouble. I really had a hard time explaining to everyone of them in the family.. Im really mentally stress.. To admit, i have tried to ------------ before, but my dearest has to come and hug and comfort me that everything's gonna be ok. and of cos, i have given up that thought at that moment. But i realised as time pass, this thought has came back again out of a sudden. I have to keep myself real busy to stop having that silly thought. But once im free, im in it again.. i think i will suffer from depression soon. Whatever hubby hug me, this thought will really fly off my mind. And when im alone and worst still when im bathing, i will keep looking at the things that can make me "SLP ALL THE WAY WITHOUT WAKING UP". i knew im silly and i also know that the ppl around me will be very damn sad cos of my selfishness. But thats the only way which can make me feel that i am free from all stress. And today, im going home officially after 3 weeks stay from hubby's house. Im praying that everything's gonna be fine and the thought will not come to me when hubby's not here. I have not seen my own hair gets long. I havent get the chance to wear the bridal gown. I have not seen hubby wear the groom's suit. Most important is, i have not seen hubby's "old" face. i wanna see him get old as years pass in the future. I have not been to alot of places with him yet. Maybe that's his dream as what he has told me last night. i knew he was crying but i dont wanna make him "paisei".
I knew that he's afraid that he will not be able to see me the next day. And i have even promised him that he will. is this "empty promise"?? Haiz.. I dunno.. I only know that im really really mentally stress and physically tired thats all. I want a good rest. I want a good sleep. I want a clear mind. But how long do i need to wait for all these to happen? i cant even stand for 1sec more.i just want it NOW.. If smoking really can kills me, i will rather smoke if i've a thousands to do it.,. BUT NO LEI!!!! buay sai..... haha.. ok.. this is 废话.. i know..
anyway someone is already peeping at this post when i have not even blog it! Bless u all that you can still see my post in the future.. I dont hope this to be the last post i will ever post either.
Pray that you all will be fine and including myself.
Love you, my hubby..
=)
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